if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
