whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
