I bet he comes in French.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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