Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
NoShamevember. You game?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
