Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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