I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
