So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize