finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
