New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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