all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
