I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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