so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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