i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Acid is not a monday night drug
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
