apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize