This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
