oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
