Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
