This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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