when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
