All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Drunk is a universal language darling
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize