Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
we should paint friendship bongs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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