I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
