I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
