Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
