my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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