We named our party play list daddy issues
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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