If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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