Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
