at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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