Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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