Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
