dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
