I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize