Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize