I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
