I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize