I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
