I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
