i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
