i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
