I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
