so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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