i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
