when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
