I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
