I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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