after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You are the jesus of drinking
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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