You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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