We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
