never play flip cup with pint glasses
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
