That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
