go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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