i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Randomize
