I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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