i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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