Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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