I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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