How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
