she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
