the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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