Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
