I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
