I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
