Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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