I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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