At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
