You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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