Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
