I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
