I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
