I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
