Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
