I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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