Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize