We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
