The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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