I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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