Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize