She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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