Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
