Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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