Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
