i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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