it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
